Idolatree

So clearly we're all happy that ACE is the PLACE is gone. Definitely not a shocker, but i'm already waiting for Pickler to be voted off next week so we can finially have a real competition.
So, i was a little nervous when George Michael told us about Andrea Bocelli, i don't think these idolers should be allowed in the same room as him. Rod Stewart yes, Andrea Bocelli NO.

Should make for a very interesting week though - can't wait to see Andrea - i'm a secret super fan!!!!

So I had notes from last week's show (Queen) and I was so bored by them that I didn't post. This week, no notes, but I agree with the superstar connection machine, Saqette, our little Idols were pretty compelling last night.

Random observations:

Everyone's eyes were super sparkly. I need the AI lighting designer with me at all times so I can glitter and woo with my eyes like Kat or Taylor.

Paula is extra-Botoxed and mouse-y.

Ace's hair = the mother on Little House on the Prairie's hair.

PICK SUCKS.

Old standards are great and any bunch of fools can sing them and sound good.

Bottom Three:
Ace
Pick
Yasmine Teeth (even though I heart him--America is superficial and can't get past the grill)

rock on strange cowboy
see you at the rodeo
wear a smaul tiny hat

I told you Kenny Rogers looked hideous on AI...and here's the breakdown.

So it was country week last night, and I surmise that this theme was chosen to keep Buck and Pick around for another week. We've now entered the danger zone of really bad people being kept in...let's start voting, people!

In the audience, we have Whoopie Goldberg and Chris Rock with his kid on his lap. I guess they love that country music. Yee-haw!

This is also the week the America gets a glimpse at the mummy formerly known as Kenny Rogers. What happened to him? His face is pulled tight and the color of a ripe peach. His hairdo resembles a white Clay Aiken sprout. At least his beard is intact.

First up we have Taylor, who Kenny says is "weak" during the pre-performance clip. Whatever, Peachface! Then Taylor sings, and he looks weirdly uncomfortable, shaky, and medicated. No jumping, leaping, or screaming. I guess Kenny broke him down. The only thing mildly entertaining about his performance is the manic long-haired male fiddler of insanity who he shares the stage with.

Randy is wearing a flaming red vest and matching eyewear. Bro, your Journey days are long over. Please stop.

Mandisa is up next and looks like a giant picnic blanket. Memo to Mandisa: stick with black. Her performance is strained and it's pretty obvious (duh) that she and country don't match.

Ryan's hair and George Michael 5-o'clock shadow are extra gay tonight. Ry tries to say something snippy to Simon, who, in turn, says the BEST thing ever: "At least I'm not trying to look like a desperate housewife. Lose the beard." Oh SNAP!

Yasmine Teeth is next and smaultinyb had to call me and say "Teeth looks GOOD this week!" True dat. He also sounded amazing and I love him. He is sweet and has a bit of the white boy soul hip hopper thing that is madd endearing. Memo to Yasmine: stop with the two-handed death grip on the microphone. Chill, homes!

Paris, looking like a black Peggy Fleming in lederhosen, is next. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Why do the AI producers encourage our Idols to start or end their songs by sitting on a stool or a step? Anytime I see that nonsense, I know it's going to be horrendous.

Speaking of horrendous, Ace is next. He tries to throw some falsetto in at the end, and of course Paula eats that shit up. In the clip of Ace & Kenny, they look like a very happy couple, wearing shades of lavender and sparkling their eyes at each other. Who says a May-December romance can't last? Don't forget, they share the power and passion of lame-ass girly-voiced love songs.

Pick is next, looking wooden, cross-eyed, and bored. And like a drag queen. She begins her 5 minutes by emphatically dispelling rumors that she IS smart. She really thinks "salmon" is pronounced with an L, ya'll! Pick sings some song about being white trash (I'm not kidding) and Kenny must be bisexual because he loves him some Pick. The judges think this is good music for her - no shit, whatever.

Chris and Katharine are next, which means that they are closing the show with Buck! Christ. Chris, wallet chain firmly in place, sings a ballady thing whilst perched on a stool. It was good, despite the stool, and he finally showed the Softer Side of CD. Loved it. No mention of bird-murdering, however.

Kat looks gorge, sings like a pro, sasses around the stage in cool jeans, and still, Simon says he didn't like it. She, sweetly: "Oh Simon, you just don't like country music!" and gives him a kagillion-megawatt smile. He agrees and clap clap clap we have made it to Bucko.

He sits. He wears a big hat. He sings Garth Brooks, I think? Wake me when it's over.

My Bottom 3:
Bucky
Paris
Ace

America's Bottom 3:
Ace
Mandisa
Taylor

It's time to start voting or else we'll be left with a Buck/Pick face-off for the title!

Final note: I have no idea what song anyone sang tonight. Which is weird and not good for ratings. Let's hope Queen week will have us singing along in glee...

So I switch away from Supernanny for one second and spot a familiar face on some UPN show about two sisters that work at a record company. One of our remaining Idols proceeds to woo the office with his song styling and create some drama between the sisters, prompting the token gay office assistant to say "He has a chin dimple that I could curl up and take a nap in!"

Who is this dreamboat?

And, is this fair for the voting?

Thanks to Pop Candy, I just found out that Kenny Rogers will be tomorrow night's guest arranger/mascot for country week. Groan. I can just about hear the lulling strains of an "Islands in the Stream" duet by Buckster and Mandisa. The only saving grace is that we won't have to hear Sack's rendition of "Lady".

Also from Pop Candy: next week - the songs of Queen. Think about that for a minute...who will choose "Fat Bottomed Girls"?

Has anyone else heard about an incident w/ Chris D and a bird??

I heard something on the news this morning but didn't catch the whole story - it's something about a woman claiming that Chris killed her bird??

What the hell??